Katy Conti is wrong I read her blog too!
Anyway I figured I should write something. I got my hair cut today and I was so happy about it that I was bouncing around all afterward when I went to get shoes with my mom. I didn't get any. But I bought a shirt. Screw it, my feet will fall off in Michigan, but I will look cute freezing.
Tomorrow is a half day and I don't know what to do yet. I will probably just go with Abra, I mean I was going to do that anyway, but we don't really know what to do and we don't know if we can just hop in Justin's car and call it a day. There are already like 5 people going. Speaking of Abra, today we held hands at lunch so that mhrhmhhmhhrmrm and mrhrhehremer and even though she didn't see, it was funny.
I've been writing tons lately. Oodles, as some would put it. It's mostly nonsensical stuff, I just need an outlet because for some reason this week it's like someone kicked the energy level in my brain up a notch and all of a sudden it's buzzing with ideas, and I've kind of just been putting them everywhere. I made Abra a nice note with a drawing of I don't know on it. I put Jolly ranchers on it. I need better things to write about. I like writing notes for people, and getting mail. I wish I could send Jared more mail but people would get suspicious. Jared has been the sweetest kid in the world lately, we've talked tons, and he's sent a plethora of pictures and vids to keep me entertained every day, and he isn't annoyed when I make him stay up late because I can't go online until later. I love Jared.
I will write more later when I have another brain fusion thing, uhh...
also,
"this carrot is made of Jesus' nose."
I love you too.
Tuesday, October 21
Friday, October 17
Shyday
Then again, every so often we have a good moment like this one. Why can't it always be like this?
No, don't answer that, I know what you'll say.
Well, I love you. Sleep good my friend.
Today was a big mess. I made a new playlist. Criminal Minds is back on. I had a conversation with Jared, we didn't talk too much but we communicated. I have to get up early tomorrow to talk with him but I don't mind, I look forward to it actually.
Aaaah tomorrow I am going down near San Diego, I hope it's really hot and really sunny because I am so drained right now and sun is the first thing I need. I hope it's really bright and breezy. I'm seeing my cool aunt.
Okay good night.
CD/JS/ACC
No, don't answer that, I know what you'll say.
Well, I love you. Sleep good my friend.
Today was a big mess. I made a new playlist. Criminal Minds is back on. I had a conversation with Jared, we didn't talk too much but we communicated. I have to get up early tomorrow to talk with him but I don't mind, I look forward to it actually.
Aaaah tomorrow I am going down near San Diego, I hope it's really hot and really sunny because I am so drained right now and sun is the first thing I need. I hope it's really bright and breezy. I'm seeing my cool aunt.
Okay good night.
CD/JS/ACC
Thursday, October 16
Purrsday
Today I kind of stood up to her. We were walking and she had just finished talking to her about lending clothes, and when she walked away, I went "Thanks for letting me borrow your shirts!" and she looks at me suspiciously and goes "Did you steal some of my shirts?!" and then I tell her I'm being sarcastic and remind her that the last time I asked to borrow anything, she told me to get my own clothes. She replied that she was afraid that if she lent anything to me, she'd never see it again. I told her that the only thing I'd never given back was her jeans, and she already said months and months ago that I might as well keep them, they had molded to me and she never wore them anyway. Then she made some sort of feeble argument about how I never wear her clothes with anything cute and my outfits are always boring (so much for my no-sense-of-style being my style then, eh? Thanks). I told her I wear her stuff with what I have. She says to get new stuff. I say for the 232409th time that I have no money.
This week has sort of sucked, friend-wise. I'm taking a break from her tomorrow.
Why is it that I know such selfish, ignorant, rude, and/or unthoughtful people?
The truth just makes me want to back into my shell even further. And then bash myself on the head. The truth is that the only ones I really like are ____________. Either that, or I'm not that close with them.
The other truth, the worst one, is that I've never felt a moment of genuine connection with her. EVER! I will write her letters with nice things and mean most of them, but anything I've ever said about us being friends because of fate/we get along well/we're totally connected is BS. At best, I'll feel happy in a moment with her, probably when we're having a good conversation walking somewhere, or when she's explaining a movie to me or when we're driving toward some new adventure. I've felt happy with her and at times liked her a lot, but that's the extent of it. For me, there's no deep feeling in my core that I genuinely love her, and that's the saddest thing of all.
But I mean, what can you expect. There are only a few people I really feel an instantaneous, snap-judgement liking for/connection to. One of them is Astrid. I felt that right away, as soon as I met her. The moment we first exchanged words, I knew I liked her a lot. We get along very well.
Another is Katy, just because she's so kind to us and so likeable and so fun. I'm not at all surprised that she has the amount of friends she does. Those are the first two people that jump to my mind because I've been interacting with them the most recently.
Natalie, I liked right away, but really what's not to like about Natalie. I don't feel that connected to her though, because whenever I'm around her I feel like I'm drowning in inadequacy? There's so much about her that's good and she's so blatantly cool that I always feel overshadowed. I've always really admired her, though.
Uhh. I have not been that social lately. I can't think of any other people where the chemistry (friendly and otherwise) is just THERE.
I should do something about.. something. I'm so undecided about my friend but if it keeps up I'll take action, I can't just let it keep eating at me. I think going to the east for the week will be a good chance to clear my mind and make decisions about stuff, thoughtful decisions, because I'll be away from everyone and I won't be biased if something petty happened with the person that day and I'm still wound up over it. Hopefully I will be more focused when I get back.
I'm also pissed and sad that I lost it, with the book. I had it so good for a week there, and then...all down the drain. That was the most perfect school week I've ever had. I've noticeably rebounded now, though. I'm as shy as ever again.
Also, thank you Heather for being so sweet the other night.
This week has sort of sucked, friend-wise. I'm taking a break from her tomorrow.
Why is it that I know such selfish, ignorant, rude, and/or unthoughtful people?
The truth just makes me want to back into my shell even further. And then bash myself on the head. The truth is that the only ones I really like are ____________. Either that, or I'm not that close with them.
The other truth, the worst one, is that I've never felt a moment of genuine connection with her. EVER! I will write her letters with nice things and mean most of them, but anything I've ever said about us being friends because of fate/we get along well/we're totally connected is BS. At best, I'll feel happy in a moment with her, probably when we're having a good conversation walking somewhere, or when she's explaining a movie to me or when we're driving toward some new adventure. I've felt happy with her and at times liked her a lot, but that's the extent of it. For me, there's no deep feeling in my core that I genuinely love her, and that's the saddest thing of all.
But I mean, what can you expect. There are only a few people I really feel an instantaneous, snap-judgement liking for/connection to. One of them is Astrid. I felt that right away, as soon as I met her. The moment we first exchanged words, I knew I liked her a lot. We get along very well.
Another is Katy, just because she's so kind to us and so likeable and so fun. I'm not at all surprised that she has the amount of friends she does. Those are the first two people that jump to my mind because I've been interacting with them the most recently.
Natalie, I liked right away, but really what's not to like about Natalie. I don't feel that connected to her though, because whenever I'm around her I feel like I'm drowning in inadequacy? There's so much about her that's good and she's so blatantly cool that I always feel overshadowed. I've always really admired her, though.
Uhh. I have not been that social lately. I can't think of any other people where the chemistry (friendly and otherwise) is just THERE.
I should do something about.. something. I'm so undecided about my friend but if it keeps up I'll take action, I can't just let it keep eating at me. I think going to the east for the week will be a good chance to clear my mind and make decisions about stuff, thoughtful decisions, because I'll be away from everyone and I won't be biased if something petty happened with the person that day and I'm still wound up over it. Hopefully I will be more focused when I get back.
I'm also pissed and sad that I lost it, with the book. I had it so good for a week there, and then...all down the drain. That was the most perfect school week I've ever had. I've noticeably rebounded now, though. I'm as shy as ever again.
Also, thank you Heather for being so sweet the other night.
Wednesday, October 15
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