Then again, every so often we have a good moment like this one. Why can't it always be like this?
No, don't answer that, I know what you'll say.
Well, I love you. Sleep good my friend.
Today was a big mess. I made a new playlist. Criminal Minds is back on. I had a conversation with Jared, we didn't talk too much but we communicated. I have to get up early tomorrow to talk with him but I don't mind, I look forward to it actually.
Aaaah tomorrow I am going down near San Diego, I hope it's really hot and really sunny because I am so drained right now and sun is the first thing I need. I hope it's really bright and breezy. I'm seeing my cool aunt.
Okay good night.
CD/JS/ACC
Friday, October 17
Thursday, October 16
Purrsday
Today I kind of stood up to her. We were walking and she had just finished talking to her about lending clothes, and when she walked away, I went "Thanks for letting me borrow your shirts!" and she looks at me suspiciously and goes "Did you steal some of my shirts?!" and then I tell her I'm being sarcastic and remind her that the last time I asked to borrow anything, she told me to get my own clothes. She replied that she was afraid that if she lent anything to me, she'd never see it again. I told her that the only thing I'd never given back was her jeans, and she already said months and months ago that I might as well keep them, they had molded to me and she never wore them anyway. Then she made some sort of feeble argument about how I never wear her clothes with anything cute and my outfits are always boring (so much for my no-sense-of-style being my style then, eh? Thanks). I told her I wear her stuff with what I have. She says to get new stuff. I say for the 232409th time that I have no money.
This week has sort of sucked, friend-wise. I'm taking a break from her tomorrow.
Why is it that I know such selfish, ignorant, rude, and/or unthoughtful people?
The truth just makes me want to back into my shell even further. And then bash myself on the head. The truth is that the only ones I really like are ____________. Either that, or I'm not that close with them.
The other truth, the worst one, is that I've never felt a moment of genuine connection with her. EVER! I will write her letters with nice things and mean most of them, but anything I've ever said about us being friends because of fate/we get along well/we're totally connected is BS. At best, I'll feel happy in a moment with her, probably when we're having a good conversation walking somewhere, or when she's explaining a movie to me or when we're driving toward some new adventure. I've felt happy with her and at times liked her a lot, but that's the extent of it. For me, there's no deep feeling in my core that I genuinely love her, and that's the saddest thing of all.
But I mean, what can you expect. There are only a few people I really feel an instantaneous, snap-judgement liking for/connection to. One of them is Astrid. I felt that right away, as soon as I met her. The moment we first exchanged words, I knew I liked her a lot. We get along very well.
Another is Katy, just because she's so kind to us and so likeable and so fun. I'm not at all surprised that she has the amount of friends she does. Those are the first two people that jump to my mind because I've been interacting with them the most recently.
Natalie, I liked right away, but really what's not to like about Natalie. I don't feel that connected to her though, because whenever I'm around her I feel like I'm drowning in inadequacy? There's so much about her that's good and she's so blatantly cool that I always feel overshadowed. I've always really admired her, though.
Uhh. I have not been that social lately. I can't think of any other people where the chemistry (friendly and otherwise) is just THERE.
I should do something about.. something. I'm so undecided about my friend but if it keeps up I'll take action, I can't just let it keep eating at me. I think going to the east for the week will be a good chance to clear my mind and make decisions about stuff, thoughtful decisions, because I'll be away from everyone and I won't be biased if something petty happened with the person that day and I'm still wound up over it. Hopefully I will be more focused when I get back.
I'm also pissed and sad that I lost it, with the book. I had it so good for a week there, and then...all down the drain. That was the most perfect school week I've ever had. I've noticeably rebounded now, though. I'm as shy as ever again.
Also, thank you Heather for being so sweet the other night.
This week has sort of sucked, friend-wise. I'm taking a break from her tomorrow.
Why is it that I know such selfish, ignorant, rude, and/or unthoughtful people?
The truth just makes me want to back into my shell even further. And then bash myself on the head. The truth is that the only ones I really like are ____________. Either that, or I'm not that close with them.
The other truth, the worst one, is that I've never felt a moment of genuine connection with her. EVER! I will write her letters with nice things and mean most of them, but anything I've ever said about us being friends because of fate/we get along well/we're totally connected is BS. At best, I'll feel happy in a moment with her, probably when we're having a good conversation walking somewhere, or when she's explaining a movie to me or when we're driving toward some new adventure. I've felt happy with her and at times liked her a lot, but that's the extent of it. For me, there's no deep feeling in my core that I genuinely love her, and that's the saddest thing of all.
But I mean, what can you expect. There are only a few people I really feel an instantaneous, snap-judgement liking for/connection to. One of them is Astrid. I felt that right away, as soon as I met her. The moment we first exchanged words, I knew I liked her a lot. We get along very well.
Another is Katy, just because she's so kind to us and so likeable and so fun. I'm not at all surprised that she has the amount of friends she does. Those are the first two people that jump to my mind because I've been interacting with them the most recently.
Natalie, I liked right away, but really what's not to like about Natalie. I don't feel that connected to her though, because whenever I'm around her I feel like I'm drowning in inadequacy? There's so much about her that's good and she's so blatantly cool that I always feel overshadowed. I've always really admired her, though.
Uhh. I have not been that social lately. I can't think of any other people where the chemistry (friendly and otherwise) is just THERE.
I should do something about.. something. I'm so undecided about my friend but if it keeps up I'll take action, I can't just let it keep eating at me. I think going to the east for the week will be a good chance to clear my mind and make decisions about stuff, thoughtful decisions, because I'll be away from everyone and I won't be biased if something petty happened with the person that day and I'm still wound up over it. Hopefully I will be more focused when I get back.
I'm also pissed and sad that I lost it, with the book. I had it so good for a week there, and then...all down the drain. That was the most perfect school week I've ever had. I've noticeably rebounded now, though. I'm as shy as ever again.
Also, thank you Heather for being so sweet the other night.
Wednesday, October 15
Tuesday, October 14
Snoozeday
I feel lame. I just. Feel lame. I don't feel great or like I can get anything done. My biggest accomplishment in life is memorizing 50 latin root words in two days by making up a song.
But there was a moment in French today that was very nice, not to mention positively cute.
I have decided to add Sebastian to my Best Voice list, which is currently composed of Abs and Sufjan Stevens. I have the whole thing somewhere but I'm too lazy to find it, and if I did, I wouldn't type it up. Sufjan has the most unannoying voice I've ever heard.
I wrote something good yesterday after school.
I want to talk to John.
I want to stay here for Halloween. Everyone is making plans now in our lunch group. It turns out Paul is coming after all, which makes my missing the experience suck even more. I want to see Paul in a penguin costume. I will have to have schfifty five times more fun in Michigan than they do here.
I took a nap. I probably won't want to sleep tonight. While I listened to the three above songs I thought about what we would do in Michigan and on the plane. Susie and I already planned what to do when we're set loose in the airport and mom leaves and we have time to kill while waiting for the plane. I feel so bad for all the people who are on our airplane. Especially if this one has SkyMalls in the seat pockets. Aha. Hahahahaha.
I feel stupid. I wish I had something better to write. I wish I were with someone right now. I wish I were liked back as much as I like. I don't think it works that way.
Also, my wish bracelet snapped off when I sat on it somehow when I was sitting down.
A survey. Just because I can. Don't read.
Nice to meet you, I'm:
Mawg
Okay, who was the last person who held your hand?
Probably abra. In my dreams? C
Have you ever kissed someone with braces?
No
If you could change your eye color what would it be?
I would not
How many pillows are on your bed?
3
Is there someone you can' t stop thinking about ?
Uh, Conna
When's the last time you cried ?
Never
What's the longest you' ve ever talked on the phone ?
I have talked until midnight with abra several times
How did you get your last bruise?
I was probably climbing something I shouldn't have
Who is in your house right now?
Dad and susie
Are your lips chapped?
This one little patch in the middle of my top lip is.
What' s your favorite season?
Fall, but there is no fall in this town
Has it snowed recently?
Favorite color ?
Green
How many piercings do you have?
None, they closed up
Taken or single?
what?
Do you like your relationship status?
huhwhat?
Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is okay?
?
Do you wanna have children?
I don't know about *have*
How many?
2
If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
PLEASE!
Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries?
No. Anniversaries should never ever be celebrated.
Do you know anyone who has messed up your life?
It's more like I messed up my own life because they existed
Do you have a best friend?
not really.
Do you have any siblings?
Sooz
What are you doing today ?
being stupid
Wearing any jewelry?
no
Where is your shirt from?
american
Are you happy ?
oops.
Where were you last night ?
at a bowl painting party
Who will you be sleeping with tonight?
whoever happens to be in my dream.
Are you in a relationship?
i uh. what
Do you like to cuddle?
space
Where is your number one person on your friends list?
she actually happens to be taking this very survey, but she is probably not answering it honestly, since it is going on myspace.
Do you want to see someone this very minute?
I want a scone.
I want to see jared
Who was the last person you hugged?
me
Do you like the smell of gasoline?
it is alright
If something was wrong , who is the first person you would go to?
It depends on what's wrong
Who is the last person you talked to on the phone ?
Pop
Did anything brighten up your day today ?
when Jacques and I laughed to each other
Are you someone who worries too often ?
I am working on that
Do you ever wonder how other people see you?
When was the last time you sang an entire song?
yesterday
Are you the type of person who likes to be out or home?
I like both, it depends on where and who if I'm out
What time do you normally go to bed?
on school nights, 11-12, and on weekends, 1-2 or later. :|
Do you think you are wasting your time on the person you like?
oh
What was the last test you took & what for?
Francais
Who was the last person that left you a comment?
Mared!!
" once again mawbear should come online so we can chat a storm of dreams"
hah.
Last time you went swimming?
18 years ago
Did you kiss or hug anyone today ?
uh, no.
What are you doing next Friday?
freaking out and getting ready for michigan, prolly packing at the last moment
Do you believe you have common sense ?
No
Does it make you mad when people stare at you?
Nah. But it's a bit annoying.
What would you do if your best friend told you they were moving?
I would kind of expect it, she is a very pack-up-and-leave person
What do you want for your birthday?
Bread and co
When was the last time you had butterflies?
they're so good nom nom nom
Do you need to say anything to someone?
yeah, I need to be like hey I like you, come hang out with me.
Anything you' re giving up on?
..being...smart
and confident
Are you waiting for something?
yes, tomorrow
Who was the last person to play with your hair?
Thanks paul, i thought this was our thing, just go and play with brooke's hair ya okay
But there was a moment in French today that was very nice, not to mention positively cute.
I have decided to add Sebastian to my Best Voice list, which is currently composed of Abs and Sufjan Stevens. I have the whole thing somewhere but I'm too lazy to find it, and if I did, I wouldn't type it up. Sufjan has the most unannoying voice I've ever heard.
I wrote something good yesterday after school.
I want to talk to John.
I want to stay here for Halloween. Everyone is making plans now in our lunch group. It turns out Paul is coming after all, which makes my missing the experience suck even more. I want to see Paul in a penguin costume. I will have to have schfifty five times more fun in Michigan than they do here.
I took a nap. I probably won't want to sleep tonight. While I listened to the three above songs I thought about what we would do in Michigan and on the plane. Susie and I already planned what to do when we're set loose in the airport and mom leaves and we have time to kill while waiting for the plane. I feel so bad for all the people who are on our airplane. Especially if this one has SkyMalls in the seat pockets. Aha. Hahahahaha.
I feel stupid. I wish I had something better to write. I wish I were with someone right now. I wish I were liked back as much as I like. I don't think it works that way.
Also, my wish bracelet snapped off when I sat on it somehow when I was sitting down.
A survey. Just because I can. Don't read.
Nice to meet you, I'm:
Mawg
Okay,
Probably abra. In my dreams? C
Have you ever kisse
No
If you could
I would not
How many pillo
3
Is there
Uh, Conna
When'
Never
What'
I have talked until midnight with abra several times
How did you get your last bruis
I was probably climbing something I shouldn't have
Who is in your house
Dad and susie
Are your lips chapp
This one little patch in the middle of my top lip is.
What'
Fall, but there is no fall in this town
Has it snowe
Favor
Green
How many pierc
None, they closed up
Taken
what?
Do you like your relat
huhwhat?
Do you belie
?
Do you wanna
I don't know about *have*
How many?
2
If someo
PLEASE!
Do you belie
No. Anniversaries should never ever be celebrated.
Do you know anyon
It's more like I messed up my own life because they existed
Do you have a best frien
not really.
Do you have any sibli
Sooz
What are you doing
being stupid
Weari
no
Where
american
Are you happy
oops.
Where
at a bowl painting party
Who will you be sleep
whoever happens to be in my dream.
Are you in a relat
i uh. what
Do you like to cuddl
space
Where
she actually happens to be taking this very survey, but she is probably not answering it honestly, since it is going on myspace.
Do you want to see someo
I want a scone.
I want to see jared
Who was the last perso
me
Do you like the smell
it is alright
If somet
It depends on what's wrong
Who is the last perso
Pop
Did anyth
when Jacques and I laughed to each other
Are you someo
I am working on that
Do you ever wonde
When was the last time you sang an entir
yesterday
Are you the type of perso
I like both, it depends on where and who if I'm out
What time do you norma
on school nights, 11-12, and on weekends, 1-2 or later. :|
Do you think
oh
What was the last test you took & what for?
Francais
Who was the last perso
Mared!!
"
hah.
Last time you went swimm
18 years ago
Did you kiss or hug anyon
uh, no.
What are you doing
freaking out and getting ready for michigan, prolly packing at the last moment
Do you belie
No
Does it make you mad when peopl
Nah. But it's a bit annoying.
What would
I would kind of expect it, she is a very pack-up-and-leave person
What do you want for your birth
Bread and co
When was the last time you had butte
they're so good nom nom nom
Do you need to say anyth
yeah, I need to be like hey I like you, come hang out with me.
Anyth
..being...smart
and confident
Are you waiti
yes, tomorrow
Who was the last perso
Thanks paul, i thought this was our thing, just go and play with brooke's hair ya okay
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